watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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