a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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