Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
