it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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