Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was so not down for the gang bang
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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