Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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