Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
