She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
