He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
