I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
