Can Purell be used as lube?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
