you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
