Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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