There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
