Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
