I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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