rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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