I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
