so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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