did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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