mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
