Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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