you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
