dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
