I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
