we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
