just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
