oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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