i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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