ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
