We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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