six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The best revenge is premature balding
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
