i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
