You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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