So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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