ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
