My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
