My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
