I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
