East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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