i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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