So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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