If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
