i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
