Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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