Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
