Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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