Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just invented taco cereal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
