I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
