I wish life had little blips of pornography
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
