I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
