i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
