We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
