I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
