hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
