best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
