you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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